How do you get where you want to go?

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This is a question I try and find the answer to a lot in life. With every goal or ambition I have, this question is always my starting point. Most people don’t end up in their dream job, dream house, dream family or dream country by chance. For most people in these situations they did something or many things to get where they wanted to go. Some of these things might be things you aren’t doing or that you don’t know about yet.

It’s important when you see people in the position you want to be in, to not get jealous. Don’t just stand there and think they don’t deserve to be where they are. Try and think, how did they get there? Not in a sarcastic way, but in a way that makes you unpick the possibilities. Then once you have done that, try and find out what they actually did do.

Eliminate luck

Chance and luck can happen to help you get where you need to go but they are unpredictable and you can spend your life waiting for these things to happen. I do my best to eliminate chance and luck as early as I can, work out what I need to do and then go out and do it. Don’t over complicate things; make things as simple as they can be. Work out what you are going to do, the likely reaction to what you are going to do and when you are happy with the likely reaction, go out and do it.

Believe it will happen

If you don’t try to get where you want to go, you will never achieve your goals or reach your full potential. Until you try you never know what you are capable of. You need to have confidence not only in yourself but confidence in your mind that doing the right things and doing them well will pay off. You can notice a big difference between people who actually believe they can achieve what they set out to do and that is important, as it is those people who normally make it happen.

There aren’t signs to direct you everywhere you want to go in life. In times where there are no signs, it is up to you to find a way without them and leave signs for people coming behind you. Just remember whether there are signs or not, to make sure you to take the best path, not the easy path or the path that’s right for you, the path that will make it more likely for you to achieve your dreams.

Dedication

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On the weekend my wife and I had the amazing privilege of our daughter being dedicated at our Church. For all those unfamiliar with a dedication, it is a time where we thank God for the amazing life that is our child, where we make promises as parents about how we will raise our child and where the members of the church make promises to support us and our child on this journey.

I want to raise our child in the best way I possibly know how. At the moment her life is one of limitless possibilities and I want to make sure that she is able to reach her full potential and that she has the most enjoyable life she possibly can.

Faith

Being a Christian is an important part of my life and my faith has helped me so much in life, I just hope now that I can be a great example to our child, that I can raise her in an amazing way and that one day she decides for herself that she wants to be a Christian.

My wishes

The things I wish for, for my daughter are not the best job or to be rich, my wishes are that she is healthy, happy, has a faith that helps her, that she has a moral compass and finds someone that loves her in the way I love her mum and that will join in her adventure that will be her crazy, amazing life.

I know there will be many challenging times that come our way as a family. I know that I won’t always have all the answers and I know that I will get things wrong. None of this matters though as I also know I am always going to try my hardest and do my best for my family. I’m not trying to win a race of being the best parent or doing everything right, I want to win the race of giving someone the best life possible.

The best life

Giving someone the best life doesn’t mean you give them everything or that you have everything. Giving someone the best life is about raising them right, teaching them right from wrong, helping them understand the value of things around them, giving them the ability to dream and instilling a work ethic in them that will help them achieve those dreams.

I know my daughters’ accomplishments will make me prouder than my own personal accomplishments ever have and ever will. Along with my wife I want to be her biggest fan and her biggest supporter and I want to be one of the best people in her life.

Why?

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I think one of the greatest internal battles in life is trying to figure out ‘why’. Why you think the way you do? Why do you feel the way you do? Why things have happened to you? Why you are living where you live? `Why you enjoy the things you do? Why you do the things you do? Etc. etc.

Some of these maybe easy to answer but some you can wrestle with for a while and not come up with an answer. On the journey that is life, we make millions of decisions that get us to where we are and where we go, this is why I think it is important to understand as many of the ‘whys’ as possible. The more ‘whys’ we understand the better the decisions we can make, the less time we will waste and the more hope we can build for the future.

Understanding

The human mind is a complex thing and trying to figure it out is a daunting challenge but the more we understand our own mind the better our lives can be. It is important to understand where we can, how events that have happened to us or around us have affected us. The quicker we can work out how an event has affected us the less likely we are to make a bad or wrong decision because of it.

I think it is also important to look at why other people do the things they do. If you can get to the route and to the why, the more you can help someone and the better you can understand them. It is important that we as a world become slower to judge others and quicker to consider their life, where they come from and what they have been through.

Delve deeper

Sometimes in life we just get caught up in looking at what is happening instead of why it is happening. To understand the world around us we can’t just be headline readers, we need to delve in to the stories with that inquisitive mind-set of looking for the ‘why’ in the story.

The battle of learning the ‘whys’ is a battle of becoming less affected by the world and becoming more in control of your own life and actions. By being aware of why you do the things you do, it will hopefully make you less impulsive and help you make decisions that you truly want to make, decisions that are best for you and the people around you.

Advice

My advice this week would be – don’t let your life pass you by without asking yourself ‘why’ once in a while. A lot of the answers to questions, which begin with ‘why’, will unlock a lot of future happiness in your life. Sometimes it is a hard process to get to the route of the why and the answers you find can challenge you on many levels but going through this process is an important step in understanding your life, which is one of the most powerful things you can do.

There is an ace in there somewhere

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One of my favourite analogies about opportunities in life that I have ever heard is this:

“Life is like a deck of playing cards, there are 4 aces in a deck, you may just have to turn over 48 before you find one.”

Don’t get annoyed

This has stuck with me through life and is one of my mantras. Whenever I try something and it doesn’t work, I try not to get annoyed about it and instead just think that I am one move closer to finding my ace, which will be my success.

I think people give up too easy in life sometimes. The thing they want to achieve maybe achievable and about to happen but because they stopped turning over cards they didn’t get any closer. The amount of times you fail has no bearing on whether you will be successful or not, if that success is out there to be had, it is out there and the only way you will miss out on it is by giving up.

One more try

I don’t want to be the person in life that would have achieved something, if only I had given something one more try.

I think the aces and life analogy is true for so many things in life. You can apply this to job hunting, building business, dating, making friends, house viewing etc. etc. etc. Some people are lucky and they turn over an ace at the first attempt but it doesn’t mean they are any more or less deserving than you to achieve something. Everyone’s route is different but the success remains the same and that is the most important thing of life’s journey.

Different routes

By not turning over an ace on your first attempt, it forces you to try different things and go in different directions. This process of turning over cards can make you so much more informed and experienced, than if you were to get it right away. What you learn on this journey can help you appreciate the ace even more when you have it in your hand. It can also give you the ability to hold on to it for longer and to go on the hunt for more aces.

In life the deck of cards you get played isn’t what’s important, but how you play them is. Finding the aces isn’t always going to be easy, but there is no such thing as magic and the only way to find them is by working hard and never giving up. The other 48 cards in the deck are there to test you, but it’s important that you don’t let them beat you. Learn something from every card and move on.

Sometimes life doesn’t play you the hand you want or expect, so be prepared. In life we have to expect the unexpected at times and be ready to find the solution that will keep us moving forward. You decide where you move forward to in life, if you get blinded by the prettiness of the queen and stop there, you will never reach your full potential.

Dreaming of success

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If you’re anything like me, you dream about success. When there is something big that has the potential to happen you immediately start thinking of what life would be like if it did happen. No longer are you thinking of how to achieve it as you now have made your mind up that’s it going to happen and that is what life is going to be like.

I think the most common time people act like this is when they have brought a lottery ticket, are applying for a new job, auditioning for a role or starting a new business venture. I am not one of those people that sign up to the ‘life is about the journey not the destination’ way of thinking, I very much think that life is about the destination but you shouldn’t be thinking about the destination before you get there.

Long-term success

Getting the long-term success you crave is based on being successful at every step and turn on the way. It’s only when we get to our destination that the journey starts to matter less. To achieve that long-term success, you need to be present in every situation, daydreaming about it today will make it less of a reality tomorrow. You have to know that there are other people out there that want the same things as you do that are willing to focus on those small steps and do the hard work, so you have to be prepared to as well.

For many people success is about being wealthy. If you want to be wealthy your goal should be to do something that generates wealth, it’s a small change but if you are willing to change your thinking I think you will be more likely to succeed. Success in life isn’t always about having the biggest dream but it is more often or not about being willing and able to work harder than anyone else to achieve something.

Focus

I think the reason why so many people give up on their dream or don’t achieve their dream is because people spent too much time dreaming without focusing on their reasons for that dream and their passion for that dream. It is too easy to get lost in the world of dreaming and it is a very dangerous world, as it stops us from achieving what is possible. It’s important to keep reminding ourselves what is important to us and why it is important.

Another time when we can tend to get carried away with ourselves is when someone tells us that there might be a chance of something happening. This can be when a friend says that you should go and do something together or when your boss tells you there may be a work trip coming up or the possibility of a pay rise. We all need to get better at not getting carried away when we hear these things, as just because someone wants to do something or thinks something is going to happen, it doesn’t mean that it will.

If you do get carried away with an idea it only makes you feel worse when it doesn’t happen. Never get sucked in to thinking something will happen before it actually has. We can’t afford to be a complacent generation. There are so many things in life we can’t control that happen around us but there is so much we can control that goes on inside of us.

Having dreams is good but I think dreaming of what life will be like when you achieve that dream can be bad as those things aren’t your dream, they are just things that could happen if you achieve your dream but won’t happen if you don’t achieve your dream. The more you think about life after achieving your dream the more you have to lose.

Don’t get carried away

It’s hard to do, but we need to stop ourselves from getting too carried away. I know I have dreamed of many things in my life and automatically jumped to what life will be like if I achieve those things. I have done this over and over again, but this year will be different as I have goals and I am going to try and spend my time succeeding on those small steps that will make up the journey. Taking them one by one and at each one waiting until I succeed until I take the next step.

Don’t set yourself up to fail, set yourself up to succeed.!

2015 – The Year of Personal Development

How did you develop as a person in 2014? Do you think you developed at all? I think we are developing as people every minute of every day, some of us notice it and some of us don’t. Some people are trying to develop consciously while for some of you it’s happening without you trying.

I think in order to take control of your life and your world you need to start making conscious development. You need to be able to understand when you are developing and how you are developing. Can you list 5 ways in which you developed or 5 things that you did, that you think developed you as a person in 2014? This list will be different for most people and could feature anything, which you think helped you develop.

Here is mine in no particular order:

1. I got married.
2. I lived a married life.
3. I travelled.
4. I started this blog.
5. I volunteered.

I think these 5 things made me a better person. I think they improved my people skills, my adaptability and helped me really think about my place in the world and the impact I want to have on it. They were a reminder of my passion for putting other people first and helping others.

There are things we can learn and gain from nearly every situation in life that we may find ourselves in. If there are things we want to learn, experience we want to gain or skills we want to acquire we need to put ourselves in positions to get those things.

How do you want to develop as a person in 2015? What are you going to do to gain those developments? Instead of making a list looking back lets make a list looking forward for 2015 and go out and achieve those developments.

Is there a new place you want to live in? Is it a new job you’re after? Do you want to be noticed? Do you want to be better with people? Do you want to get better at a sport? Whatever it is make sure to find out what developments you need to make first, make them and then go after what it is you want to achieve. Even if you don’t end up achieving what you set out to do, the developments you gain and the want to make conscious developments will improve you as a person and set yourself up for future success.