Making it means making it happy

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Lots of people claim to have ‘made it’ in this life. People claim to have ‘made it’ when they get a new high power job, a new car, a new house etc. etc. But to me the people who have truly ‘made it’ are those people that are happy.

Mastering skills

Some great skills to master in life are – judging your happiness by your own standards and not pretending to be happy when you think you should be happy. When you get somewhere in life, that you think will make you happy, it is also ok if it doesn’t make you feel as happy as you thought it would. If that happens, it just means to you need to keep looking and trying until you find something that does.

Don’t let the world tell you

Don’t let the world tell you what should make you happy and what ‘making it’ is. ‘Making it’ can be whatever you want it to be. Everyone is different so everyone should have their own version, of what ‘making it’ is. Don’t be jealous when other people have achieved things, as you don’t know whether they have truly ‘made it’ or not. Just because you think someone has ‘made it’ or you think you would have ‘made it’ if you had achieved what they had achieved, it doesn’t mean they have.

To me ‘making it’ is always about the next thing I want to achieve and not about I have just achieved. It’s like when I was coaching and the team I was coaching was playing – when they were playing ‘making it’ was about winning but then as soon as the final whistle had gone ‘making it’ would have changed to winning the next game in my eyes.

Whatever it is and whatever I am doing in life I always want the goal to be happiness. I might not always find it and sometimes I might not find it where I expect to find it but I know I love being happy more than anything in the world, so I am always going to be on the hunt for as much happiness as I can find.

Proud

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One thing I am is very proud about the way my family do life. I always want to shout it to the hilltops. I want to do this not because I think I am better than anyone else but because what we do brings me joy. From the way we organise our time to the practical and emotional support we give each other, there isn’t any area that I am not proud of. Yes we are always looking to do things better and ways to improve but it’s that want to look after each other in the best way possible, which makes me so happy.

The sad thing I find in today’s world, that it is so hard to be proud. When you act proud for some reason it feels like you are rubbing other peoples faces in it and saying that you are better than other people, that your life choices are better than there’s. It seems to be hard to have a good day and celebrate that good day when others around you are having bad days. I hate that we live in a world where someone’s success can make another person feel inadequate or a failure. I don’t want to celebrate something good to make others feel worse, all I want to do is share good news.

Not better than anyone else

When I celebrate achievement I’m not trying to say I’m the best or say that I am doing things in the right way and that everyone should be doing this. I am simply saying – this is working for me and I am happy it is working for me. Yes I want happiness for other people and would love them to get success from doing things that have worked for me but I’m not saying it’s the only way or better than anyone else’s.

It feels like I am constantly having to censor myself, which I don’t like doing. It’s like when you have a conversation and someone says something negative like ‘sometimes I feel like strangling my kids’ you feel compelled for some reason to go along with it and agree even if you don’t feel this way.

When did it get this hard?

I just don’t know when it got this hard to be proud. I think in the modern age we are too busy trying not to upset anyone that we stop being happy ourselves, which in the long run just makes everyone unhappy. I hope that in years to come it becomes easier to be proud, as I never want to be anything other than proud.

Happiness isn’t easy

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Sometimes when you’re happy, you are so caught up with that incredible feeling that you can’t think of a reason that could make people unhappy or why people can’t be happy. Happiness I think is one of the easiest things to take for granted and assume is easy to achieve.

Just because happiness comes easy for you, it doesn’t mean that it comes easy for everyone. If happiness was easy to achieve for everyone, then everyone would be happy. There are lots of people out there who wished they had happiness and for many it isn’t a choice they are making not to be happy.

Pressure

There seems to be such a crushing pressure put on people in today’s society for them to be happy, that it leads to many people having to fake it and pretend to be happy just to fit in or to be seen as normal. Then there are also those that want to be happy so much that they will pretend to be, as they want it so much.

When you want to be happy and you try your hardest to be just to fail and not find happiness, it can push you further in to a sadder place than what you were before you started on your pursuit of happiness. Failing at anything can be saddening event but when that thing you fail at is finding happiness then is a very low place to be in.

Society

Society tells us that there are many events in life that should make us happy. Passing exams, getting a job, having money, travelling, friends, family, getting a house etc. I could go on and on, as there are so many things that we are told should be happy things and make us happy. A word to everyone reading this blog, these things don’t make everyone happy and there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t find happiness from any or some of these things. The key to happiness is to find what truly makes you happy and not worry about what doesn’t make you happy.

So much happens to all of us over our lives and it can be the things that happen to us, that stop us from being happy and are so hard to not let affect you. If you see someone who isn’t a ‘happy person’ and you don’t know why, try to stop and remember this – different things affect different people in different ways so trying to work out why someone is unhappy or why something would make someone unhappy is quite difficult at times for you and for them.

The responsibility I think we all have is to not add to the pressure people feel in today’s world to be happy. Lets not look at people as different or strange if they aren’t happy. Lets be an ear and a friend, let’s start caring for each other and see where that gets us.

Don’t you dare give up

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Are you struggling to find a reason and purpose for you in life?

Do you think you’ve got nothing to look forward to and that your best days are behind you?

Can you not find happiness in life and have no plans?

Well I’m here today to tell you that victory in life isn’t just for one person, isn’t just for some people, victory is for everyone! Victory is for you! Today might not be a great day and tomorrow might be rubbish as well, but some day there will be a good day, a day of victory for you.

Victory

Victory can be different things to different people; to me one of the most important victories is finding a reason to smile. There are millions of reasons to smile in this world but sometimes it is all too easy to forget them all, the key is getting yourself in to that position where you feel able to and want to smile again.

Nobody or nothing should stop you from feeling like you have the right to victory, to success, to happiness. Never let yourself get in to that position where you don’t think it is right to be happy or that you are allowed to be happy.

Something for everyone

There is something out there for everyone, if you just look out for opportunities. The key is finding something you like doing and going and doing it. Just ask yourself – when do you feel the best and what do you do that makes you feel the best? There are things out there that can make you happy, there are things out there that you can have success doing, you just got to be prepared to look.

Today might just be about getting to the end of the day and that is fine, as sometimes just getting through today is a victory in itself but it is only a victory if one day you do something to go and get your victory. That day might not be for years and there maybe a long period of just getting through, but as long as you keep getting through you have a chance of victory.

You are precious

You are precious and your time on earth is precious. You have something to offer this world and you have been put here for a reason. Never forget the past but don’t let the past stop you from doing something with your future because if you are 1 or 90 you still have a future. You still have incredible potential that the world would love to see used.

So let me end by talking directly to you reader, you may have had a hard day, a hard year, a hard life but I am telling you, don’t you dare give up, don’t you dare let the world get the best of you, don’t you dare miss out on the good things that are out there for you. Life isn’t easy but some of the best things in life are easy to achieve if you want to achieve them bad enough.

Happy Birthday

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So the day after my anniversary, I celebrated my 31st birthday. The sun was shining (which is rare in the UK in April) and due to it coinciding with the Easter weekend, we had a public holiday so I didn’t have to go in to work.

My wife gave me the most amazing and thoughtful birthday (or should I say birthdays a it stretched over two days), which were days of adventure, fun and time together, away from the stresses and strains of life. It was a time to be happy and I think that is an important thing on a birthday. I think there is a reason people wish you ‘happy birthday’, they want it to be a happy day for you and I can say mine certainly was.

Birthdays for many can be a sad event. Some fear growing older, some use it to lament their current situation in life, some use it to look back at sad events in the last year and some use it to feel sad about the future and what it holds. I think some people think: what have I got to be happy about? It is because of some of these reasons mentioned, that some people choose not to mark or celebrate their birthday and would rather it was forgotten.

An Important day

I want to say that your birthday is a special and important day. Your birthday is the anniversary of the day you came in to this world and started making an impact on it, as believe you me – we all have in our own ways. Your birthday is the anniversary of the day that someone or some people cared enough to bring you in to this world and I think that is something which shouldn’t be underestimated or made to feel small.

Your birthday doesn’t need to be a reflection or a look to the future, it can just be about that one day. If you feel things aren’t going your way in life, it can be a day just to forget about them and enjoy yourself. Even if you are in the midst of a tough situation, never feel like you can’t celebrate your birthday or feel bad for doing so. I personally think the world needs a bit more happiness in it and we should use any chance we have to bring a bit more happiness to it.

What you make it

I am happy for my life and I am happy for my time here on earth. I am so thankful for it all and want to celebrate it any chance I get. A birthday can be a day to look at the world and life anew, a day to show others you love them, a day to be thankful, but above all a birthday is what you make it.

Birthdays shouldn’t be judged on number of presents or money spent on the day, they should be judged on enjoyment of the day. Happiness is contagious and birthdays are a great way to spread happiness, so lets make them the happiest that we can.

After responding to all my birthday wishes on Facebook from friends across the globe I put a post up on my page. In that post I asked my Facebook friends that wanted to get me anything for my birthday to instead of getting me a present, to download by book on dementia care, the story of my life caring for my mum. So I would like to extend that to all my brilliant followers and readers of this blog. It would mean the world to me if you made a purchase or helped me spread the word about the book, by posting a link to it on your social media feeds. Below is the link to the book and I would like to take this opportunity to thank all that have supported me in any way over my life, I am thankful for it all:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Unbreakable-Bond-Adam-Sibley-ebook/dp/B00UM6ATBW

Friend Agency

I was watching a programme recently on TV that got me thinking about friendship. What is friendship? How important is friendship? And do humans needs friends?

Some people judge friendship by the amount of time they spend together, spend talking to each other or thinking about each other. I personally think that friendship is a connection, which has to be a two way street. A friend is someone you care about and want the best for. Someone that you think about and someone you want to keep in touch with.

I’m not sure if I would jump to the word need but I think there is something inside many of us that craves friendship, yet sadly many people live without friendship in their lives. Nobody goes around with a sign saying I need or I want a friend, but I believe there are many of us out there would like a new friend or want more friends. To have friends is to feel supported and to know when things aren’t going right you have someone to talk to.

I don’t think all friends are for life, if many at all, but I believe we should treasure the time they are in our lives and always be ready to make a new friend. Even if you don’t need a new friend there are many out there that do.

I think if we as a world were more open to creating more friendships then the world would be a much happier place. Never dismiss the impact of friendship, as I think it can help change the way you view yourself, the world and your place in it.

To me friendship is a bit like dating. Now that sounds a little wrong but hear me out… In this day and age when you become an adult it’s very hard to know where to go to find someone to date and when you do go out how do you know who is single or who is interested in a relationship? Does this sound a bit like making friends? Don’t know where to go to find some or how to find out who wants to be your friend?

One of my many business ideas in my head (when I say many I mean hundreds) is instead of starting a dating agency to start a friend agency. I think if someone could make finding friends easier people would pay money for that.

Friendships are normally formed through common interests – but is that enough to sustain a good friendship that stands the test of time? Like eharmony where you have to go through many profiling questions and then you are presented with matches based on compatibility, could something similar be done to match you up with people that are likely to be good friends for you? As if a friendship is just based around common interests if your interests changed would you still be friends.

To end with this week I have two questions – will anyone steal my business idea? But the second and most important – will you be a friend to someone who needs it?

Being Proud

Following on from my recent blog titled ‘Finding Your Niche’, today I want to talk about ‘Being Proud.’ In ‘Finding Your Niche’ I talked about how it is important to find your passion and pursue it, well now I want to talk about being proud of your passions.

I must start by saying, as I write this I have been listening to and singing along to “Let it Go” from the Disney film Frozen whilst being called a wonderful loser by my wife. I have no shame in saying as a 30 year old man that I think it’s a great song to sing along to.

I think being proud of our hobbies and interest makes us happier people. I think we scrutinize and pigeon hole each other far too much in this world. As a people I think we feel the need to either hide, or have to justify our hobbies and interests.

Some people are fortunate enough to turn their hobbies and interests in to paying work or companies and in the main, I think these are the people that aren’t ashamed of the things the like.

I hate how people conform and like things, just because they think it is the thing to do or will make them cool. I also feel sorry to those that have to hide things to avoid being bullied in school. I think it is at school that we make these decisions of what to like & what to hide and it is these decisions that dictate our future life and how we handle it in adulthood.

We also live in a world today when posting on social media or telling your friends about how you miss your wife is seen as making you less of a man. You are given your sex at birth you don’t need to do anything else to claim or show you are a man; it’s on your birth certificate.

I would love to encourage anyone who reads this blog to be loud and proud. To make today the day that they started owning what they were about. I will start: I love my wife she is the best thing to happen to me, I am a Christian, I like Arsenal, I like TV and I like Pro-Wrestling.

I couldn’t care about being the coolest person as that is not a competition I want to win or be apart of. I want to win the competition of being the happiest person on earth, because just remember fitting in and being cool won’t win you the happiest person on earth award.

Happy and content

I think the people who are truly happy in life are those that can smile through their own contentness (I know there is no such word). I think people confuse being content with doing nothing and just letting life pass you by, but I don’t think that is what content is.

I think being content is about being happy from within and not needing events to happen around you to make you happy. Lets not find our happiness in inanimate objects and events, let’s find happiness inside of us and in each other.

Now we are all guilty of looking at the lives of other people and thinking that they lead cool lives and do cool things, but just because it seems cool, is it? Are they happy? Would you actually enjoy that life? Through knowing someone on social media or through the press you just hear the highlights, not the real life.

Whilst you’re busy wishing you had someone else’s life – so are they! Or someone else will be wishing they had your life. For many people happiness is a façade or something they feel pressured to be, “I have everything so I should be happy” they might think to themselves. Happiness shouldn’t be something you feel guilted (again not sure if that’s a word) in to feeling.

If you do anything for long enough it becomes routine and this is when if you are not content and happy, what made you happy to start with won’t any more and you will be searching for something different or something better. Don’t waste your time searching for the next high, start searching for internal happiness instead.

Don’t look down your nose people or call them boring just because they may do a 9 – 5 in an office and watch the same TV show every night, applaud them for being happy if that is what they are. We need to stop celebrating achievements and start celebrating happiness.

Success isn’t happiness but happiness is success.

Facebook

I have to admit to checking my Facebook feed about 50 million times a day. At the end of each day I would hate to think how much time of my day had been spent reading it. Every once in a while I learn something about a friends life but for the most its words and photos that I won’t remember tomorrow.

I use to be guilty of putting a post or update up just to see how many likes I got. I think for many people Facebook is a place to show off, to validate their own existence or to try and make them look better than other people. They don’t care what names and what people like their status they only care about the number of likes.

Why should a post about me going to work at Wembley Stadium get more likes than a post saying that I am having a good afternoon with my family? At the end of the day or the end of your life what is more important? To me I would say its spending time with your family. I think we need to start liking people living happy and fulfilled lives and not just people showing off.

For me life is about relationship and I think Facebook should be the same, the more you care for others, hopefully the more they will care for you. Instead of just stalking people online or just liking statuses all the time lets work on our relationships, as clicking a button does not a relationship make.

Don’t take peoples Facebook accounts at face value. A Facebook profile for many is a projection of what they hope or want life to be. So don’t just like what they say, engage with what they are saying and connect with them properly so you know how they are really feeling. Lets enjoy the good moments together and be there for the hard times and lets know how people are really feeling.

Recently I had a huge cull of friends on Facebook and it was easier than I thought it would be. I had lots of people on there that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in years and is that really a friend? Yes I may get a lot less likes to the posts I put up from now on but after re-evaluating, that is not what I am on Facebook for.

Happiness and Sadness

A little while back I blogged about how hard life can be for some people and how unequipped some people are to deal with life.

Since that blog we have had the sad news of the death of actor Robin Williams. The world has been touched by his life and death, Robin was renowned for his ability to make millions around the world smile and laugh with his body of work but the way of his passing has brought many to tears.

Success doesn’t mean that life is easy. Success should never be counted as the fame someone achieves or the money they make but how they deal with the day to day realities of life. Even the most so called “successful” people need help and support.

As humans we are good at showing different sides of ourselves to different people. It seems sometimes in life the hardest thing is to be honest as to be honest requires a lot of bravery. I think we as the human race take things at face value a lot of the time and don’t want to see the signs that other people may be struggling. We don’t take the time to actually invest in people, to make sure they are ok in all aspects of their life. I think many of us our scared to go up to someone and ask them if they are ok.

I think when things like this happen like unexpected deaths it makes me appreciate the smaller things in life and reminds me again how important happiness is. One instance of this happened to me this weekend that I would like to share:

I was walking away from Home Park home of English football team Plymouth Argyle after commentating on their 3 – 0 win over local rivals Exeter. As I was walking I noticed a disabled fan with a Plymouth hat, coat and scarf on and he had the broadest smile and was waving his Plymouth scarf in the air with reckless abandon. I don’t know the man I saw but I can only imagine the hardships he had faced in his life but for that moment that experience made his day and I have to say it made my day too. I think we all need to be a bit more appreciative of what we have and the things we take for granted.